moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
