drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
