I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
