Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
