It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
