YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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