you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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