I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
