so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
