11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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