Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
where are my eyebrows?
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