Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
