I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
