My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
