Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
