do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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