i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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