she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
