so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
