I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You ruined the universe
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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