Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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