And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize