PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
