4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
