life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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