You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
