is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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