Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
