If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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