I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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