problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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