oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
