hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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