well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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