I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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