My first STD was from a foam party
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
