mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
