She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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