that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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