My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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