i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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