omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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