eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
