I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
