Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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