im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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