Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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