New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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