why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
