I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Randomize
