i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
