I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
