Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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