I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
