I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
