He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
