Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
