i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize