just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
