I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
