so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
