I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
