my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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