I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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