my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
