But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
being pregnant is like rehab
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
