And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
