Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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