what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
