I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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